Summer Epistles
by regardsfromhell
Summary: What if Rory and Jess had talked while she was away in DC? AU that takes place between the ending of season two and the beginning of season three. This story was originally published on my ao3 account with the handle: regardsfromhell


She laid her head on her pillow and stared at the ceiling, like she had been doing every night for two weeks, ever since Sookie's wedding. _How could I have been so dumb? When did I become the vapid girl who makes out with everybody? What about Dean? How could I have done this to him? And for what, really?_ These were the questions floating in her head every night. Every time she shut her eyes she could see it, she could see him. The scene played over and over in her mind, she could feel her heart skip a beat every time she pictured _Jess._ What were those feelings? Whatever they were, they had a bad influence on her, _he_ had a bad influence on her.

She saw him near the river and she simply lost control, she thought she'd never see his face again, his crooked smile and his messy hair. The sight took her breath away, he suddenly became her oxygen and she needed to breathe. Her arms moved on their own, they were wrapping around him and it felt _right._ For a moment everything was perfect, he was holding her and their mouths were moving together as if they were dancing to the most beautiful symphony; but then it all hit her, Jess wasn't her boyfriend, her boyfriend was probably being harassed by Miss Patty at the wedding she had dragged him to. She had to leave, as much as it pained her to break the moment, she had to leave.

Ever since that moment the picture of Jess haunted her, the warmth of his lips still lingered on hers and infidelity weighed heavy on her shoulders. She tried her best to ignore what she had done, she loved Dean, she couldn't hurt him, she had done it in the past and she hadn't enjoyed it. What happened was a mistake, she couldn't change the past, she only had power over the future, but her feelings were making it terribly hard. She wished she could talk to someone, but she couldn't think of a single person she could tell and wouldn't get mad, but she needed clarity and she could only get it by speaking to Jess.

"Paris?" She checked her watch, it was 2:33 AM. "…Paris?" She must've been asleep, so she turned on the light at her desk and started scribbling on her legal pad.

 _Dear Jess,_

 _greetings from DC! You wouldn't believe how much fun I'm having, being surrounded by so many important people is thrilling. In DC everything is great (with the sole exception of Bush's government), even Paris is more tolerable here,_ _if you were here_ _she probably wouldn't even yell at you about your taste in books._

 _Speaking about books, I haven't had much time to read, this is how you know I've really been busy! Let me live vicariously through you, please tell me what you've been reading! I'm having fun in DC, but life is so bland without books, so I will most definitely raid a bookstore before I come back, let me know if you have any requests._

 _Jess, I need to talk to you. I've been confused ever since that day. I can't put what happened into words, if you can, please help me. Help me make sense of this, because I've been losing my mind._

 _I can hardly wait for your reply,_

 _Yours,_

 _Rory_

She finished writing the letter and started reading it over and over, wondering if she should send it. She put her mind at ease, she neatly folded the piece of paper and put it in an envelope. She was hoping Jess would reply telling her their kiss really was a mistake, but a small part of her wanted him to tell her he liked her, that she was the only good thing in Stars Hollow and that she was the only reason he moved back. She shook her head, trying to empty it of everything. She tugged the letter close to her chest and kept staring at the ceiling, where she could see the boy with the taunting smile mocking her without even intending to. She closed her eyes both scared and excited about the following morning.

She was awoken by Paris' shouting her name, she was still holding the letter, but the anxiety had worn off. Suddenly, mailing the letter didn't sound like the worst thing in the word, but Paris's voice did. "Rory! Rory! For heaven's sake! Just get out of bed! We're late, hurry up! I swear if you make me show up late I will make your day hell!" Rory scoffed, sitting up straight on her bed. "Enough with the threats, don't worry, I'm getting up. See? No need to call your henchmen or whatever." To avoid enraging Paris further she quickly got ready and left with her friend. "Is there a mailbox in the hotel?" Rory asked trying to find the courage she seemed to have just a few minutes earlier. "Yeah, in the lobby. Why?" She started walking towards the lobby, looking forward to ripping the band-aid off. "You go ahead, I'll catch up later." When she got to the mailbox she took a deep breath and mailed her letter, attaching her heart to it as well.

Summer was going by painfully slow for Jess, back in Stars Hollow. He spent his days wiping tables at the diner, serving people he didn't want to see and occasionally, when they would cut him a break, he would get away from everyone and read on the bridge. He kept trying to read _The Fountainhead_ , but because of the heat and of the general annoyance he felt for the population of Stars Hollow, he was still failing to make it through and just went back to re-reading Hemingway.

Jess' summer was a lonely one. He wasn't the most beloved person in Stars Hollow, he probably wasn't even in the top 500, but he didn't want to be; he had one friend, many books and he was fine. He _had_ one friend. He had messed it up. Did he like Rory? Yes, but as good as the kiss was for him, it had apparently driven Rory out of town. Also Rory already had a boyfriend, an annoying, dumb and freakishly tall one, but he was still her boyfriend. He couldn't just wait around for Rory to make up her mind. It was what it was, he just had to deal with it.

He was walking back to the diner from the bridge when he saw Kirk walking towards him in his mailman uniform. "Jess!" He shouted as he caught up to the boy. "You've got mail!" He told him as he handed him a yellow envelope and slid it in his back pocket along with his copy of _The Sun Also Rises. "_ Thanks." He replied as he kept walking. "Jess, will you read my first draft for my second short film?" Jess rolled his eyes and kept walking away. "Sure, whatever."

Once he arrived at the diner he went back to avoiding the costumers as much as possible and counting down the hours until closing time. When the lunch rush died out Jess finally took his book out of his back pocket, but as he did so the letter slipped out on the floor as well. He picked it up and gave it a closer look; he read the sender's name and he was taken aback. He ran his fingers on the envelope, fighting the urge to read it right there and then. He carefully put the letter back in his pocket to read it away from indiscreet eyes and went back to work.

Time went three times more slowly than usual for the rest of his shift, until Luke finally told him he was off for the day. Jess ran up the stairs, went into the apartment and sat on his bed. He took the letter out of his pocket and looked at Rory's name on it for a while, thinking up in his mind all the possible scenarios. She probably didn't want anything to do with him anymore, he was to only pour her and her mother coffee and smile at them politely. He tried to also think about positive scenarios, but he couldn't. There was no way any of the content of the letter could've brought him joy, the fact that it was addressed to him had already given it away.

He took a breath and finally opened the letter. His eyes lingered on the first sentence, studying Rory's handwriting, she was capable of making even his name look like a short avant-garde poem. After a while he built up the courage to keep reading. By the time he finished reading he felt unsettled. He had no idea what that kiss could have meant for her, he barely knew what it meant for him; all he knew was that he most definitely wanted to spend more time with Rory and if there were to be a few more kisses he surely wouldn't be mad. He grabbed the first piece of paper he could find and started writing a reply.

 _Dear Rory,_

 _I'm glad you're having fun in DC, although it's ridiculous that you haven't had time to read anything, it really doesn't sound like you. I've been reading The Fountainhead, but surprise, surprise, I can't get past the first 100 pages no matter how hard I try; so I went back to re-reading Hemingway. Shocking, right?_

 _Rory I can't tell you how to feel about the kiss, but what I can tell you is that you are still with Dean. If you are interested in me, I'm right here; but don't expect me to wait around for you to break up with Dean. This is your decision and only you can make it. I'm sorry I couldn't help you more._

 _Yours,_

 _Jess_

He put his pen down, put the letter in an envelope and looked at the calendar; if he mailed his reply that same day, she would get the letter before she came back to Stars Hollow. He got up and started running towards the mailbox; once he reached it he slipped it in without any expectations, before letting out a sigh.

Summer break had come and gone so quickly, DC had been everything Rory wanted and then some, but something still bothered her. She had poured her heart on paper or, at the very least, she had tried her hardest to. It was her last day in DC and she still had gotten no reply. _What was I even expecting?_ She chuckled sadly to herself as she checked out of the hotel. Rory was in the reception waiting for Paris, who was taking a little too long to say goodbye to DC, when one of the receptionist approached her. "Are you Rory Gilmore?" "Yes, why?" She asked, eyes wide open with curiosity. "This came in just for you, I'm glad I caught you before you left." Rory looked at the envelope she was just handed as if it was the most marvellous thing she had ever seen. "Thank you so much!" She smiled kindly to the receptionist. She ripped the envelope open on the spot and started reading and all at once her excitement was obfuscated by reality. Paris caught up with her just as quickly as reality had doomed on her; so she put on a smile and walked out of the hotel, knowing she had a lot to think about during the flight.

Rory wished she had made up her mind on the flight by the time she landed, but she was even more confused. There were a few things she knew for sure. She liked Jess, there was no denying it at that point. She also loved Dean, he was loyal, sweet and she felt guilty for even thinking about another boy; but her attraction to Jess was ridiculous, something she thought only characters in books could feel. As strong as her feelings were, she didn't want to hurt Dean.

She walked the streets of Stars Hollow with a great weight on her shoulders, but everything was suddenly clearer when she walked by the diner with her mother. She saw Jess through the window, like many times before, and her heart started pounding uncontrollably. She couldn't live in denial of those feelings, she wanted to give to Jess and to herself a shot, she deserved to. " Can you go ahead without me? I'll catch up later" her mother nodded and she sprinted into the diner. "Hi Jess, can we talk somewhere?" Jess looked up at the blue eyed girl and smirked. "Sure" He put down his rag, told Luke he was taking a break and left the diner.

They walked quietly towards the bridge, Rory was shaking of excitement mixed with anxiety. When they arrived at the bridge they sat down and Rory started talking. "Jess I do feel something for you." Jess nodded lightly, waiting for a _but_. Rory looked into his eyes. "You feel it too, right?" Jess looked deep into her eyes, getting lost in them. "Yeah" Rory smiled. "Then let me take care of something." She started to get up, but Jess gently caught her wrist and pulled her closer to him, with his other hand he cupped her cheek and kissed her. Rory was overwhelmed by everything she was feeling, it was even more intense than the first time they kissed; this time she didn't feel guilty, it felt _right_. Jess broke up the kiss and smiled at her, she smiled back and left with the fresh feeling of his lips still on hers.


End file.
